8/3/2023

Myrtle Beach retreat was born from a simple thought. What the hell am I goin to do with myself now? That thought ruminated in my mind like a virus, I had no direction. I was fortunate enough to be 1 year into retirement, but now the FDA has shut down my business and if I don’t come up with something soon I’ll be finding myself back in the grind, back to being a pharmacist, the horror. I’ve been trying to escape pharmacy ever since I was in school for it, its just temporary, a backup plan, I told myself, and now after stumbling into a gold mine of a business and retiring due to its success, everything was crashing. how could this happen, easy come easy go as they say, but really what now. of course there was no savings, there was always some idea that the business will continue. Being new at making loads of cash it was still fun to just burn through it like wildfire. No one expected this abrupt cessation. It was like a plane taking a nose dive instead of some kind of graceful landing. Years later I still think about all the mistakes mostly due to my foggy mind, irritability, anger and no patience that was aggravated by my cannabis addiction.
The year of retirement was a nightmare. what a word this nation has chosen to salivate over RETIREMENT – as though It’s some make a wish foundation after which life will be full of freedom and peace. When we work we busy our minds with over 40 hours a week of some mindless bullshit while providing some silly purpose, both of those fact, no matter how insignificant the JOB and Service are, they are enough to keep us afloat. However, try early retirement for just a bit and see how sick our minds get pretty quickly. Some might say; that won’t happen to me – I’ll travel. I did that , it still happen. but not me, I’ll do all these sports- like surfing snowboarding, kite boarding, and biking – did that, still happened. Paychecks are just the drug that your employer gives you to forget about your dream, and after years of numbing that dream, you think just by quitting work it will suddenly appear because now you’re retired? you got another thing coming. it was a tough transition. Not sure how I took the leap of faith, but after Vipassana meditation retreat, Ayahuasca in the Netherlands, Psylosibin in Israel, Bufo, Kambo, DMT and finally a consistent meditation practice, I was ready for real change. It was time to start building a retreat space. I have guided about 50 people in the winter through my practice, and as a meditation teacher it seemed like there was some value in this new purpose I have stumbled across. Have you ever seen a baby with a hammer? that is about the level of skill that a person who has been clicking in front of a computer screen possesses in regards to manual labor. I looked so pathetic trying to build something with a pair of hands that never held a tool before. My wife was distraught, how could she support a person that just lost a million dollar company and is ready to dump the remainder of OUR money having no idea of what he is doing, who just bombarded his mind with all kind of crazy ideas influenced by drugs. all this happened right around Covid, while everyone was shutting themselves out and keeping their distance, our house was full of 13 people running around in all directions even bringing people over to a couple of big parties. instead of contracting I used covid as sling shot to expand my creativity. it took time and lots of failure but phase I of the retreat was done. The more immediate use of the space ended up being a waldorf school, even though it only lasted 3 months before falling apart, the parental pressures to have school open on time made phase I a very important step in the completion of the project. Next came Phase II, building a big deck with a giant Teepee, a sweat lodge, a cold pool and a jacuzzi. Phase II was successful, over 1000 people came through the evening retreat during the year, and then once again a flop. Airbnb experiences, the platform the retreat was listen on with over 200-5 star reviews, all of a sudden discontinued our partnership for reasons unknown, referring only to their 500 page legal document for clarification. We are now into Phase III of the project – building a treehouse/yoga studio with the goal of hosting people on an all-inclusive 3 day retreat. It has been over 4 years since I started building this retreat center, and I’m finally starting to feel like a toddler with a hammer. I have never been on a more difficult journey before in my entire life, there has been so much failure. Although success is never guaranteed I have never had a greater sense of purpose, and so the work continues without the fear. Resistance is a great force that is always there, the bigger the more creative and crazier the dream the stronger the resistance it will keep us stagnant, keep us safe in the mediocracy that we are used to. But try going through my practice and experience resistance for what it is, and let your mind turn those shackles that you think bind you into a fragile little thread. Let’s get to it.